Journey of a River..

I was born in the lap of mountain, as I step outside from womb I fall from heights one could only imagine in dreams, still I carry on with my journey, I am cold but alive, I don't know where I am heading, it’s an uncertain journey, I am moving towards and unknown destination, As I continue my journey further things starts to slow down a bit, I meet many people on my way, some cursed me, worshiped me shared their joys, sorrow and happiness with me with, I took whatever they gave, moulded myself the way they wanted, but I never stopped, with their memories inside me I kept moving towards my uncertain destination, and then one day I took a turn which completely changed the entire course of my journey and I found myself drifting towards the ocean, What i always thought an uncertain journey is a pre decided one, I realised my whole life was pointed in one direction, there never was a choice for me, and still I kept moving, endless water is all I could see as far as my eyes could go. I looked around and saw others like me who are about to lose their identity, I started to move forward with baby step, suddenly brine water gets all over me, I knew it’s an end of my uncertain journey,  I closed my eyes, tides took me away from the shore and I am lost in the ocean forever..

Paint me with your pretty lies.. duh..

My thought process has been showing some unusual changes over the last few months, lately have started thinking and asking question on some very useless things in life, yesterday out of nowhere thought stuck my mind that most of the days of our life we try pleasing other people in one way or the other, we always try to cover our ass from, debates, discussions and criticism. Like, even when some is looking an idiot, we will say “oh you’re looking very good today”, “It's a beautiful dress”, even when you hate it,” Oh It's the best food I ever had” and in the back of you mind you were thinking, I guess have tasted shit today. “Are you out of you mind, who said you are fat”, and deep inside u knew your arms wont' touch each other if you hug them.

By saying these things I always felt guilty of lying to people who are my friends/relatives/colleagues or who are close to me in any other way, and after thinking for a while, what I realised is, these answers are feed in my mouth by the people who ask them, and when i visited back the question which they ask. I found that questions were framed in a manner to have positive answer/feedback, like Instead of asking how am I looking they will ask,” I am looking good na”? “You like this dress? I just love it”, Hope I am not looking fat? “Oh god this is the best food I ever had!! What you say”?


I fail to understand why do people even bother to ask such questions, I always think, why can't I speak my heart out to them? Why do I have to speak good stuff all the time when I don’t mean it, why do I need to please them? Why can't i say what i want to and what i feel like?? Why do i have to get into these formalities so frequently?? Why do i need to fake it?? Why can't i just be me??



P.S: I know this post doesn’t make much sense.